I have had cause to ponder on the mystery surrounding the woman. My psychological upbringing has thought me to view a woman as the weaker sex. However, I have begun to understand viewing the woman as a weaker sex is only applicable in terms of physicality. On many occasions, women have shown sheer superiority mentally in some of the toughest situations but that is a topic for another day.

Women are by nature created as delicate creatures. We are told us that she was formed from the rib of man. This is symbolically relevant to show how intertwined our lives are to that of a woman. The woman is a more artistically crafted version of man and contrary to belief that she was an afterthought during the creation to give man a companion, I believe more time and artistry was spent in creating her. The man is all hard physically and the woman was made as a softer version of the man. She was made to add color to the existence of man which would have been an otherwise colorless one.

The importance of women in our lives can never be overestimated. Every man, no matter how tough can attest to having felt the love of a woman; either through a mother, a sister, a lover or a wife. In fact, it is indeed a verity that no man has gone through life without being influenced by the affection of a woman.

Women, though delicate are the most complex of creatures. More so, their complexities are in varieties. Thus, no man can ever boast of understanding completely the conundrum that is a woman. Even the greatest psychologist of all time, Sigmund Freud died asking the inexplicable question, “What do women want?”

The mental make-up of a woman is something of a case study that has baffled men for years; trying to rationalize why they act the way they do. A woman could be the most affectionate and passionate creature and at the same time or in a matter of seconds, become a cold and calculating vixen. In my opinion, it is indeed a futile mental exercise. Attempting to understand a woman is akin to getting lost in a maze or labyrinth filled with dangerous minotaurs or taking a dive into turbulent waters strewn with sharp and pointy rocks. Yes…the picture is a scary one.

I am a lover of women. I adore them. We men are naturally programmed to need them. Their presence can have a most soothing effect in times of extreme stress; they are a necessary distraction and a man who can find a woman who truly loves him needs not much in life. However, I have noticed a certain trend in recent times amongst our young that is both shocking and worrisome. What is this fatal attraction to money and materialism?

It is a common misconception today in Nigeria that all a girl needs is a good man to love her and treat her right. Perhaps in time past, that was the case but not so anymore. The dynamics of satisfying a woman has changed drastically. What went wrong along the line is very much a mystery to the man who has ever had cause to ponder.

For such classic copy cats that we Nigerians are, most of our ladies have certainly learnt nothing from romantic foreign movies, especially that part when a guy goes into a romantic rigmarole followed by a deft presentation of a pretty flower. The symbolism attached to that very act would be lost on our Nigerian women. Any guy who tries that will certainly get that what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-this-dude look from the girl he tries to woo.

As youths, we learned how to woo a woman by digging deep in the inner recesses of our hearts to convey in the most poetic terms, how we felt and the results were usually amazing. Sadly, that poetic art form of self expression is, like the dinosaurs did, gradually going into extinction and will eventually fizzle out. I think it was the “yahoo boys” that brought about this dearth of creativity; those lewd and lecherous old men, notably politicians who splash humongous amounts of money on women in ways unimaginable to get a good lay. Suddenly, the hunger for sugary words of flattery changed to hunger for money and material things.

It is a given that any man who feels emotionally mature to date a woman should have some level of financial stability to be able to pick up one or two bills and throw the extravagant romantic surprise occasionally but why has it become the focal point that the dude must be able to cater for her “every need”, no matter how ridiculous? In fact, the way some ladies demand for material things from their men is like an affirmation of prostitution; that “you have sex with me so you MUST pay my bills” sort of thing. Why do men have to pick up all the bills because of the sex that was fairly exchanged? Shouldn’t it go both ways? I’m not an advocate of being stingy in a relationship but there comes a point where a line should be drawn. Sadly, this need to impress and comply at all times has led many a man to his ruin.

On the other hand, I have seen where some women are extremely lucky to have a man who would buy them the moon if it were requested on a whim. Yet, they would secretly have a dude somewhere whose knob they polish on a regular without the usually stringent financial conditions. Trying to understand this leaves my mind as scrambled as DSTV channels during rainfall.

Worse still, there are many cases of women who would rather make strenuous efforts to remain in a physically abusive relationship because the guy is “extremely generous”. There was this particularly pathetic case of this dude who was given to severe bouts of temper and at such times, would turn his lady to a punching-bag. The next day, he would be back with some expensive gift and would be welcomed with open arms. Why would any woman remain with a brute because of such financial perks? Is it now much more valuable than life itself?

Finally, I just have to come to those women who are freaks in the sheets. Those women that just can’t get enough and whether they are or not in a fulfilling relationship just can’t say no to wayward sex. The words of my great rapper friend Duno resounds in my head, “If you never object to sex, then you are a sex object”. What motivates such? Could it be the thrill of danger in being adventurous? Could it be an ego thing to prove to themselves that men can be beat at their own game? Or could it just be they just love it?

What is most important to a woman in a relationship? A generally good guy who tries; a wealthy guy or an indefatigable sex machine? Does simple love really matter any more?

All are questions with no answers.

The mystery of a woman…delightful conundrums…

Mr. Malcolm.

Follow on twitter @saymalcolm.

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