I am bored; bored to the teeth. Being bored is the worst situation you can ever find yourself but not always. Especially, if you’ve got a creative mind. The ability to string up words together to tell a story is a beautiful thing. I started writing because I was bored and sick of having conversations in my head so I thought to myself, hey why not write? If you’ve read through my blog which I started sometime in May, 2012, you can tell by now that I have an overactive imagination.
Most of the stories here are as a result of boredom which thankfully, led to creating this blog which has become a channel for my overactive mind. A very rewarding experience, I must say. Some are drawn from my personal experiences and some from those of others in close proximity while the rest are from my imagination. Who knows? If I didn’t find this outlet, I may have been walking on the street in my spare time having conversations with myself – what most would classify as symptoms of madness. Not really. On the contrary, I’m quite sane and as normal as it gets but there’s something about me that I’m yet to discover.
Most of my dear readers have suggested I settle down and write a novel. I know I should but asides from being bored, I’m quite a restless fellow too.
So, in the same way the Mickey Jay Series began and so many other short stories I’ve written, I’ve started this. That reminds me – I’ve still got a series I’m yet to complete: The Bridge Over Turbulent Waters. Honestly, I ran out of steam. I’ve still got ideas on how to continue but for restlessness. I’m thankful for the reception my stories have received. You all gave me the stamina to keep challenging myself to string up more episodes.
I hope I can do the same with this. It has an interesting title: I only pray the content will be just as interesting. So read, share and drop your comments.
Malcolm O. Ifi.
Hi. My name is John. I’m a lawyer by profession and by a little something that’s imbued in me by nature, I’m a sort of a lie detector too. Not a trained one as it has become a sort of science in civilized climes, but being a skillful liar myself, it kind of gives me a unique perspective into the mind set of a liar given a particular situation. My unconventional skill is not full proof but it works most of the time. Oh, and for the record, I’m not a skillful liar because I’m a lawyer. Not at all. You see, that cliche about lawyers being liars is quite stupid.
“All lawyers are liars”
I find the above quoted cliche totally objectionable on the ground that it is highly fallacious. If you are “learned”, you know what I mean. For the “unlearned”, let me elaborate. The above mentioned cliche is what we call the fallacy of hasty generalization. If you haven’t heard about it before, you’re hearing it now. Grab a pen and let me lecture you…nah, there’s google, GOOGLE IT UP!
I’ll tell you why its a fallacy. In my private moments, I’ve had cause to mull it over and I’ve come to the conclusion that whoever thought up that most presumptuous statement that, quite unfortunately, has been mistaken to be a veritable assertion by the ignorant and gullible few is such an idiot. If I could just meet whoever that character is, I would ask him/her just one question: have you met all the lawyers in the world? If his reply is in the positive, then I’ll know that the devil, who carries the grand appellation of “Father of all liars” has been usurped by the greatest liar of all. Bottom line is until you’ve met every single person of a particular category, never make general statements.
In other not to be misunderstood, I will not deny that lawyers lie; some of us do but so do other professionals when the occasion calls for it. However, the most interesting liars I have come across as a young man are women. Ah…there you go, characterizing me already as a chauvinist. I’m not a chauvinist, neither am I a misogynist. I love women with a passion; and in my prolific history with them, I have come across the greatest liars of all time. Yet, you’ll never hear me say “all women are liars”, I’m too smart for that. And you know why? Because I haven’t met all the women in the world and I know there are men who are even greater than I perceive myself to be. So whenever I hear people make such general statements – I’ll list a few;
“All Ibo men love money”
“All Yoruba women are dirty”
“All Hausa men are cattle rearers”
“All black men are monkeys”
I need no further testament to their undiluted stupidity.
Now that we’ve cleared that out of the way, I shall continue. I come to you bare, without an iota of pretension. I am a liar; just like you are. The little speech above was just to rid you of any malformed prejudice you may have gathered against my kind. Lawyers are actually the most honourable set of people you’ll ever meet. However, there are a few rotten apples. Those without an atom of respect for themselves, for the law, for their clients and even for God. We have them everywhere, and in every profession. I don’t care what you think but I know I am not among those. I lie, but for good reasons – good reasons to me anyway so before you go into an argument as to how there’s never a good reason to lie, I’m telling you straight up that its your damned business! My lies have done a lot of good; It has saved lives; it has ensured that justice was done and in odd cases, a lie has been used to fish out the truth!
I am a realist, a practical man; the world in which we live in is far from utopian. All such assertions are pretentious at best. We live in an imperfect world, filled with imperfect people and imperfect man-made laws and procedures so most times, there’s never a perfect solution. We have to improvise. That is what a lie is basically; at least, that’s what my own kind of lie is. I will never lie to put down my fellow man out of nothing but plain jealousy. People who do that are the scum of the earth, the worst kind. I lie for two reasons only; in the interest of self-preservation and to achieve an end, a just end. Yes, it may sound paradoxical, ironic even but as I regale you with tales, live tales of the injustice of this world, you may start to see things in a different light.
Some of my tales may shock you outright and show you the deviousness in the heart of man. My experience in life has taught me to never be surprised by the actions of human beings. The truth is humans are the worst kind of animals. Our love for evil goes beyond the need for survival. Its like the air we breathe for some; their hearts ache whenever they see the smile on the face of someone so they plot and carry out evil actions for whatever sadistic reason.
So, welcome to the world; the world as seen through my eyes.